Tired of feeling like a disappointment. Tired of feeling like I'm slowly  being replaced. I see people aren't needing or wanting me anymore. Too tired to make a change but feeling horribly depressed because this has been the only thing that's given me a purpose lately. I don't care about school anymore. I don't really care about anything anymore. I feel like I can't completely trust any of my friends. I feel disgusting of myself, both my appearance and personality. I feel unwanted in all aspects of my life. I am not driven anymore and I've lost the fight, fire, and passion of music. What else do I have going for me? My family is sick of me, my mother thinks I'm shit. The only 2 people I feel remotely close to is either off in Utah or my teacher who can't take sides. My other "friends" seem either flakey or terrible people. No boyfriend, no real job. What do I have going for me??


I'm tired of sleeping in the middle of my double bed holding on to a stuffed animal and try to make myself dream that this one friend secretly has a crush on me and is going to sweep me up in his arms and kiss me. I'm just so tired of feeling so alone. I hate it so much that my friends jump from relationship to relationship and I'm sitting here watching it. I hate that I'm always the third wheel. I hate that I'm always the fat and ugly friend and feel like my pretty friend is just taking pity on me. I hate feeling that every single friend I have is prettier than me. I hate being on the sidelines watching relationships unfold or fall apart. I miss being welcomed, wanted, and loved. So much. It hurts how much I miss these simple feelings everyone else gets to experience. It's not fair. Haven't I worked hard to get this? Don't I deserve it?