My Future

I always wonder if there is a point to sitting through these theory classes. I don't have an interest anymore in learning the theory. I can see me becoming a music teacher, but I don't see me wanting it as much anymore. Is it because I've fallen behind in my theory classes? Right now, Dr. Sabre is lecturing - reviewing - and I don't understand anything of it. I'm kinda done being frustrated with it. I've just checked out. All I do is fill up space, I don't do the homework, I don't listen to the lecture, I'm not registered in the class. I'm just taking up space. Should I just stop showing up? I understand I have very little follow through with anything. When things don't get accomplished right away, I lose interest or get distracted. Things don't get done after that point.

I don't know what I want with my life. I decided to be a teacher because I think I could have made a difference that way, that I would have done well. But I've never been excited about it. Ever. My joy is serving Kappa Kappa Psi. Not the silly social activities we do, but the actual service, I like furthering the ideals of Kappa Kappa Psi, to bring music to the community. How can I make that a career? That is the big question. Nothing that I think of has a steady income. Maybe be an organization leader and have some generic Full Time job. That doesn't make me happy..

I don't know...

Theory is just not interesting to me. I have to enjoy it, I think, to make a career out of it.

How about being a personal assistant? I think I'd do well at that. And then on my own time run some sort of service organization.

So I guess what it comes down to is do I keep taking these classes?

It's odd. I don't feel sad. I guess just kinda anxious. I have no real solid idea of what I want with my life.

I know I'll probably get some resistance to my thinking, but I need to figure out what I want. I just don't know. Let's say I do drop out of the theory program. What do I do after that? Do I just take some general ed classes instead? Am I wasting more time?

All of my friends from the bay are finishing up their bachelors. They'll be graduating at the end of the semester. I'm still at a JC still trying to figure out what I want.

I'm getting kinda tired of being in limbo with my life. I like being in school, it's kinda a haven for me, but I'm just wasting time. I know it.

I think I need a life coach. lol