So I never ended up texting him. I fell asleep right after I posted. Sad thing is he never text me. I was hoping I'd see his name in my missed texts when I woke up and I'm still pretty upset over that.

I don't want to be the forward one and just keep texting him, I want him to bug me. Like he used to.. I am starting to regret what happened between us, as amazing as it was, because I feel like I'm losing a very important friend because my mentality and attitude has changed about him. I'm overthinking everything I do to try to seem casual and relaxed, but instead I look overbearing and borderline crazy.

He wants to keep this quiet for now because he's a private guy. I completely respect that. I was thinking that myself since my friends tend to meddle too much in other people's lives. But he's barely acknowledging me. I'm scared that he's just gonna have his one night with me and them act like it never happened. He said we should go on a date, so he *wants to be with me?* I dunno..

I really am okay with some things. I'm okay that he wants to keep it quiet, I'm okay that we haven't had a chance to set up a date. I'm okay that he's not my 'boyfriend'. I'm a little bummed out that 'private' probably means lack of PDA. Sorry, but I've always liked kissing and holding my boyfriends hands with other people around. But I'll survive, that's not a biggie. What I'm not okay with is the serious lack of attention I've been receiving from him. I'd imagine he'd maybe just give me a look, or something, when people are around, just to show he's thinking of me. Or maybe random cute texts from him. But, seriously, I'm not getting anything. I'm not okay with the fact that I feel very trashy from Tuesday. I feel that since we haven't done anything or said anything since, that I was supposed to be a one night stand. I feel dirty because of it. He's not that guy. I know he isn't. And I'm terrified because I'm afraid to be proved wrong. I really hate this.

I care about him and he's always on my mind. I always want to talk to him but I don't want to be clingy.

I'm sure once I see some kind of action, one way or another, I can deal and move forward. Whether it's dating him or hating him. I really hope it's the former.. I really really do.

Anyways, I'm waiting to hear back from Samantha. I'm gonna avoid texting him today I think. Or at least, let him text first.

I hate being a girl sometimes. I know I overreact because of it. My mind goes into overdrive and spewing out all these insane scenerios. I'm fully well-aware that I'm doing it, but I can't do anything about it. I need something from him to calm me down. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.